Last Christmas

Go sailing – let it go.

It’s Friday afternoon. A sentimental Friday. For the very last time in this house we took the Christmas decoration out of the boxes. It’s not even Advent yet, but Holger is a Christmas guy. He loves Advent, he loves it when the candles are burning in the evening and a fire blazes in the fireplace. We have called this hour the Blue Hour while we were on the sea. It is not dark yet. Everything is dipped in a blue, Ral 5003 I would say as a designer.

And it’s the same everywhere. This very special blue.

I practice letting go. It’s not easy for me to lt go in the meantime I’ve found out that I’m a very bad “throw-away”. Some of my jackets are 10 years old. Also jeans or some sweaters have reached this age. I don’t want to throw away anything I might need again.

But I have to let go, I have to decide. What we take with us, what will be stored and what is given away or sold. I can handle all this material. It’s more a question of consistency.

It’s a completely different thing with people.

Holger has it easier. His sister is 10 years older than him and gets through life well. His nephew is happy with his decision and there is no one else left.

That is different with me. My Mum is fit, but she will be 80 soon. How sure can I be that she will be well for a long time. Dad bought a wheelchair last month and already had 2 heart surgeries behind him. My siblings are not much younger than me and therefore old enough. They are mostly happy and not much will happen except a little longing.

With my daughter, it gonna get tough. She is currently reorienting herself. Her life has to be re-sorted. She claims not to need me, but from time to time even a 33-year-old is very welcome the help of a mother. She is worried, but does not say so. And she is also a bit angry, but doesn’t say so because she doesn’t want to hurt me. She seems to be disappointed. Because not only she, but also her two wonderful children (4 and 7) will miss us.

That is when letting go is most difficult. Already here, with a distance of 200 km it is not easy to drive home in the evening or to say goodbye to them after a weekend. As I said, I’m practicing it.

Of course I have ideas how we can stay in touch. On the last trip I wrote more than 100 postcards, I wrote a cute kids blog, designed a children’s book about the trip and brought it with me in print. And of course we communicated via Skype. Our daughter wasn’t very impressed, didn’t show the children the stories in the first place or just rarely. Even then she was disappointed that we dared to take this step.

All the more I worry about the relationship with Hannah and Henri when we are on a much longer journey. We have flights to Europe in our financial plan and Skype will also be taken care of. But what is the reality then? I find that just as difficult to let go of. Nothing is really clear. Everything is just a plan, a project. It will become clear whether the children want to talk to us via Skype, whether they lose interest or even feel abandoned. We printed two Rivercafe crew shirts for the kids. I will write another children’s story in which I’ll  illustrate our journey. I hope that we will see the children often, that they come to visit us and that we can share our adventures with them, show them a piece of this beautiful world. And I will write many postcards.

It’s easier with my friends. We can mail and Skype, they can all visit us. Of course, I will miss my friends too. Elle, Rike and Stephan, Irene, Birgit and Thommy, Valerie and Markus, Walter and Anki, David Holger’s nephew, Carl and Justus my cute nephews and so many more, and those that I always can’t think of when I don’t miss them. Now in front of the fireplace, shortly after the Blue Hour is over. / Karin Binz, Ral 5003 lover


10 thoughts on “Last Christmas”

  1. Karin,
    ja, das Loslassen, sich von Bekanntem, Liebgewonnenen lösen…damit haben wir auch schon begonnen…ist nicht einfach!
    Ausser bei der Weihnachtsdeco…da fällt es uns doch sehr leicht…wir sind keine Weihnachtsmenschen…
    Liebe Grüsse

    1. Léiwe Raymonde, Merci fir et liesen. Goen ze loossen ass och eng gutt Übung fir “Landlubber”.
      Ech kann dat verdammt schlecht. Prinzipiell géif ech jiddereen huelen, deen ech gär hunn. Awer den Dhingy ass einfach ze kleng 😉

      Léiwe Raymonde, Merci Liebe Raymonde, danke fürs Folgen. Das Loslassen ist ja auch für Landratten eine gute Übung. Ich bin verdammt schlecht darin. Im Grunde würde ich am liebsten alle mitnehmen die ich liebe und mag. Aber das Dhingy ist einfach zu klein 😉

  2. Exciting times, but also tinged with a little sadness. You have given life, but have also been given one to live, for yourself. My heart goes out to you but you will find a way, so will your loved ones. They will mostly be happy for you, as we all are. Love your photo and beautiful words. lots of love from me, Jenny xx

    1. Thanks Jenny. Right now in Advent, I love to remember Christmas 2016 in St. Lucia and Martinique. Thank you for your warm words. Hugs K

  3. Irene und Horst Simon

    Danke Karin, schön geschrieben. Jeder Moment im Leben ist eben auch immer ein Abschied, nicht ganz leicht. Aber Eure Pläne hören sich so toll an, sie nicht umzusetzen wäre doch schade, wir leben nur einmal. Wir hoffen auf viele Berichte, LG an Holger
    Irene und Horst
    auf dem Weg nach Kapverde und Rio

    1. Hallo Ihr beiden VIELREISENDEN. Ich freue mich, dass Ihr unserem Blog folgt. Unser Abenteuer liegt in 222 Tagen Entfernung und hat doch längst begonnen.
      Euch alles Liebe und Gute. K

  4. Caroline Woodhead

    I believe this is the hardest time. You are committed but neither left or started a new life. I had many sleepless nights and concerns about leaving our sons, parents in law and mother . When you are on board a new lide engulfs you and you will get e erything in perspective and your daughter and chikdren wil be proud of you. Caroline xxx

    1. Dear Caroline, I know you have done all this and it’s so good to hear, that you think it will work at all.
      Have a good time. Hugs and xx for you and Dunkan. K

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